Living in the In-Between: Double Consciousness and Mexicanidad

Therqe’s this feeling I’ve carried with me most of my life. It doesn’t always have a name, but it shows up in little moments — like when I switch my accent at work without realizing it, or when I hesitate before playing Spanish music when in the car with non-hispanics. It’s that tug-of-war between pride and performance. I learned there is a name for it: double consciousness.

American Sociologist William Du Bois talked about it in the context of Black identity in a white world — the tension of always seeing yourself through someone else’s lens. But that concept hit home for me as a first-gen Mexican-American too. Because growing up, it felt like I was always translating — my language, my food, my whole self — for other people to understand.

At home, I lived in full color. We blasted Bebe, ate pozole every December, and passed around café de olla like it was holy water. But outside, I felt like I had to tone it down — to be more “neutral,” more “professional,” more palatable. There’s a quiet grief in that, especially when your culture is rich, textured, and deeply rooted like ours.

That’s where Mexicanidad comes in.

Mexicanidad isn’t just about national pride. It’s not just flags or holidays or knowing who el Santo is. It’s deeper. It’s in the way our moms say ay mijo when they're disappointed. It’s in the sharp smell of frying serranos early in the morning. It's in the flawless rhythm that we intertwine spanish words into our every day lives, the sharp wit, the softness that hides behind our jokes. It’s who we are — not just what we perform.

For a long time, I thought I had to pick a side. That I could either “make it” in this country or stay fully connected to where I came from. But I’ve learned that’s a lie. I don’t have to split myself to succeed. I can carry my culture into every space I enter — whether I’m sipping my De Olla café de olla between meetings, or rocking my "De Dos Mundos" streetwear that proudly reps who I am and where I come from.

That’s what my brand is about, really. It’s not just merch — it’s a statement. It’s for the first gens who feel like they’ve walked a tightrope their whole lives. It’s for those of us who grew up translating everything — and now want to be fully seen. Whether you’re wearing our pieces out on the street or brewing up a hot cup of café de olla at home, you’re honoring both sides of your identity — not as halves, but as wholes.

Double consciousness doesn’t mean we’re confused. It means we’ve got range. It means we can navigate a Zoom call and a carne asada without missing a beat. It means we can code-switch when we need to — but we can also choose not to.

So the next time you feel that old pressure to shrink or split yourself — don’t. Pour yourself some café de olla. Put on your favorite First Gen hoodie. And remember: you don’t have to choose. You already carry both worlds, and that’s your superpower.